Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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