Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
