i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
