That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
