Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
