My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize