Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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