i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize