tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
