Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
