My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
