having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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