need another drink. this is the easiest way
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
