the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
