I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
