He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
