They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
