Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
