Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize