Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
