Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
