I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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