my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
