so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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