nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
