My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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