planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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