What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize