just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
