They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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