she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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