first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
