Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
