Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
