You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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