i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
