how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
