Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
