boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
