i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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