How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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