i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
