if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
