please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Enjoy the penises
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
