Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
