and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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