can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
