Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
