dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
