I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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