you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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