I'm going to jail i love you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
