last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
