i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
