I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
