the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
