there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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