Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found your dick twin last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
