just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
there is glitter all over my balls
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