WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
