I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize