i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's official drugs can't kill me
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
