His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Randomize
