If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
