I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
