u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
