Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
