nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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