Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
