uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
