Michael Bay diarrhea
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
