What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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