just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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